Quo vadis?

Once again had to suffer the sung Latin Mass parts. As usual sung badly by the choir and a few others. I find I get less and less out of going to Mass at St Winifride's; I just don't find it a spiritually nourishing experience - quite the opposite. I think I'm going to start going to Penparcau full time.

More and more it is just a forum for a clique of older people to relive their childhood, and to hell with what anybody else wants. One fellow parishioner actually said "We don't want any of this bongo, bongo music!" i.e. any modern music or music played on anything other than an organ.
I feel that there is no Church just a group of people in a big building on Sunday mornings.
I felt so much more at home at Penparcau when I went a few weeks ago, despite the cold it was a much more prayerful atmosphere.

It's not just this parish though; I am becoming increasingly disturbed & depressed by the way that the Church as a whole is going. There is a refusal to move from entrenched positions on so many issues where movement is needed, and in areas where there had been positive movement after Vatican II, there seems to be increasingly retrograde movement.

There seems to be a move to turn the clock back to the 'good old days' of the 1950s or possibly even the 1550s. The pope seems to be hell bent on offending everyone else in the World, so far he's done Muslims, Jews & Protestants; I wonder who is next.

The problem is that the Catholic Church has got itself into the position of being politically unable ever to admit it has got it wrong in the past. After all, if your leader is infallible, then he can't possibly admit that previous leaders were not, because that means he can't be either.

There is such a strong element of authoritarianism running through the Church, the Church's leaders will brook no opposition and so many of the rules and regulations are designed to keep people in line. It is all about power and control. This might have worked in the past when you could back it up with civil power, but not anymore, and now people are voting with their feet.

It is clear in my own parish there is an entire generation that is practically non-existent in the Church. At any event I go to I am almost always the youngest there and I'm nearly 40.

The thing is Christianity was never meant to be about following a set of rules, it was meant to be about a living faith in Jesus Christ. The Bible is clear that following a set of rules, however, carefully isn't enough - you can't earn heaven.

This is what annoys me about the whole indulgences thing which is rearing its ugly head again. Taking a trip to Lourdes will not of itself make you more ready for the Kingdom. Purgatory isn't a place where you suffer physically for past sins, this is such a medieval idea. I thought we'd grown beyond that.

I have always seen purgatory as a process, the process by which we shed all the sin & corruption which have stained our souls throughout life. This is not an easy process and often involves suffering, and it is a process which also goes on during life not just after it. God is making us fit for His kingdom and the closer we are in this life to the imitation of Christ which is the meaning of the word Christian, the easier will be that process at the end of life.

You see, there is nothing stopping us from being perfect, except ourselves, we don't have to sin, we choose to, and the more we choose to sin, the further away from perfection we move, and the harder the journey back to God.

Of course a pilgrimage to Lourdes or another Holy place can be an important part of that process and can bring us closer to God, but it involves much more than travelling from A to B or reciting the rosary a set number of times. It is about recognising that we have 'fallen short of the Glory of God' and trying to do what we can to accept God's forgiveness, and to trust Him and follow Him more willingly in future.

I love the Catholic Church, but I find myself increasingly alienated, marginalised and unwelcome in it. It is changing from the Church in which I grew up and not in a good way. The truth is if things carry on like this I don't know if there will be any place for me in the Church much longer. About the only thing that keeps me in the Church is the Eucharist, this is the one constant for me. Because of this I don't think there is another denomination I would feel comfortable in.

It reminds me of John Chapter 6; after Jesus tells His followers that they must eat His flesh & drink His blood many leave Him. He turns to the twelve and asks then if they want to leave as well; Peter replies "To whom would we go? You have the message of eternal life."

That is the question, where would I go? Thus, the title of this piece, the old Roman sentry challenge, Peter's question to Jesus outside Rome - quo vadis? where are you going?

Where am I going?