Why worry?

I am inveterate worrier, I worry about the minutest things, all the time. I can't seem to help it, I am for ever winding myself up expecting something bad, which invariably never happens.

I was doing it again at work today, working myself up about something and things didn't turn out that way at all. Why do I do this to myself?

The thing is even when you worry about the important things it doesn't change the outcome. I spent years worrying about my father, but it didn't stop him from dying. The thing is, when he did, the World didn't come to an end, it carried on going and so did I. Not that I'm saying it was easy - far from it; but when the worst happens you cope, somehow; worrying about it all beforehand just screws your insides into a ball and makes you ill.

God's response to me is always: put your trust in me and don't worry. If only I was more willing to take Him at His word.

The good news is that my blood pressure appears to have returned to normal after the stress of the last week.

The even better news is that I have had my first comment on this blog. Someone left a comment on my blog about Fr. John. This is so cool , somebody actually read what I wrote, not only that, but they felt moved to respond, that is so amazing! This blogging thing is pretty good.

Actually, I find it quite therapeutic to be able to put my thoughts down in this way. I suppose I could do so in the privacy of a journal, manuscript or electronic; but there is something... it is difficult to find the right word, the only word I can think of is 'special'...

What I'm trying to say is that knowing that other people can read this, helps me somehow, maybe it stops me from turning it into a moanathon; maybe I ponder what I'm going to say more carefully; maybe the sight of all those Aberystwyth student blogs which only lasted for a few weeks encourages me to keep it up.

I have to say looking at all those abandoned blogs, orphaned I might even say, was really sad, they looked so forlorn, almost a fossilised record of someone's thoughts, not a living breathing thing like those blogs which are still being written; growing, aging, maybe even maturing.

It is interesting to see the different types; there are the blogs which are set up, with maybe one or two short posts and are then never revisited. Those which start off all enthusiastic and carry on for a few months until workload, or partying, or both, get in the way and it becomes too much. Then there are the ones which last while the person is in Aberystwyth, but are abandoned when they leave. There is probably a spiritual metaphor in there somewhere, however, it is half past six already and I must get some dinner, so such musings (or is that ravings) will have to cease for now.