Quote of the week

Another in my occasional series of quotes that I have found thought-provoking etc.:

"The Christian must remember that he is likely to be the only copy of the gospels that the non-Christian will ever see" - Philip Scharper

What sort of copy of the gospels have I been over the past twelve months? I pretty tatty and dog-eared copy with several pages missing I suspect - oh dear!

New year's eve

I guess as it's the end of the year one ought to take stock of things; unfortunately I have not had much chance to do so today as I have been busy having clear out of old paperwork (I seem to do this about once a year, around this time).

I'm not really one for new year's resolutions, but there are a few of things I do intend to do this coming year, they include:

1) Have a proper holiday, preferably two weeks worth.
2) Get more exercise and improve my overall health (Ha, heard that one before!)
3) Keep in touch with friends more frequently (Ditto!)
4) Improve my prayer life (again something I have tried many times before)

Really number four ought to be number one, hmmm.

Admiral & Pirates

I've just seen an advert on TV for Admiral.com, an insurance company. In the advert the 'admiral' has a parrot on his shoulder. Now as far as I know this is not a normal part of an admiral's regalia. In fact, the only nautical types commonly shown with parrots on their shoulders are pirates.

I wonder if this is really the image they want to project?

Poetry blog

I've decided to bite the bullet and create a new blog for myself. Somewhere to set down my occassional efforts at poetry. If I pluck up the courage one day, I might put some of my old poetry up elsewhere on the web.

For now, I've added a link to the new blog on this page.

Post Christmas musings

Well Christmas is over and family are now returned home so I thought I'd add another entry. As usual I have eaten far too much and regained a lot of the weight that I had managed to lose in the previous month. I really need to lose about a stone for the sake of my health, so once the Christmas goodies are consumed its back to the normal regime; which means NO SNACKING!!

Actually this Christmas has not been too bad; apart from the weather, it was relatively stress-free and peaceful. I went to the vigil Mass on Christmas eve, which meant that I didn't have to stay up late for Midnight Mass or get up early the next morning, which was nice. Managed to get out on Christmas day for a turn along the prom.

I spent most of today catching up with the washing and playing around with the new digital camera I bought, which arrived with the post - I finally decided that I'd had enough of having to finish films and get them developed. Once again attempts to buy what I wanted in the shops were a complete failure and I had to resort to shopping online (which turned out cheaper anyway).

I find that I am often unable to get things in the shops these days, either they just don't have what I want or the staff are so poorly trained that they can provide little help. What with this and the fact that most things cost so much more in the shops, is it any wonder more and more people just aren't bothering. I went into town on Boxing day morning and it was almost deserted - so much for the 'sales'.

Quote of the week

We were discussing the Cricket at work today and one of my colleagues uttered the following, which is worthy of inclusion in the next volume of Colemanballs (or would be if he was famous)

"Sir Lanka will win... unless they lose"

Went out for lunch today with friends from work, very enjoyable and saved me from having to cook tonight.

Got home to find my new "Biometric" passport has arrived. At least I got it before these ID cards come into operation.

As tonight is one of the few nights I'm free this week, I am taking the opportunity to bake another loaf of bread. This is really easy when you have a bread machine, and it is much nicer than shop bread, which always goes mouldy after a couple of days.

Things at work are winding down towards Christmas, only two days to go! I'm actually quite tired at the moment, so no great inspiration, as you can probably tell.

Badminton

Went to Badminton tonight, for the first time in three weeks. It's amazing how you lose your edge so quickly, when you don't play for a while. I had three close games, coming from behind every time, I managed to win two, which isn't bad considering.

I have a horrible feeling this week is just going to drag, I just wish the holidays were here already. I don't really want to go through four more days of work, I just don't feel that enthused about it. Hurry up Friday!

3rd Sunday of Advent

Went to Mass at Penparcau this morning, they've managed to get the heating working a bit better, so it wasn't quite as freezing as last time. It was quite full today, whether this is just down to visitors or an actual increase is uncertain, maybe time will tell.

Managed to get some of the Christmas food shopping done, which will make life easier next week. Just fruit & veg etc. needed now.

Also managed to realise that I'd forgotten to send one person a card (there's always one isn't there!), still it should get there in time.

Read yet another attempt to deny the existence of global warming. Yes, why take any notice of 30 years of scientific evidence supported by the vast majority of the scientific community. Hey, even George Bush is (reluctantly) accepting it now. Wake up and smell the Diesel!!

The evidence was pretty clear when I was studying climatology & oceanography nearly twenty years ago, now it is incontrovertible; but that doesn't stop people spouting drivel about it.

It is yet another example of people seeing what they want to see, regardless of the evidence, people can be so illogical.

Of course even if most people accept it, it doesn't mean we are actually going to do anything about it. It is a sad fact that no civilisation has ever managed to bring itself back from the brink of environmental catastrophe in the whole of human history; will we go the way of Easter Island?

Christmas preparations

I've been trying to clean up a bit before fetching my brother up next week. Which is as good an excuse to stay inside out of the cold as any.

I also managed to find the Crib figures in the attic this year and they are now set up on the mantelpiece, awaiting Jesus on Christmas day. I inherited the figures from my parents, so they bring back a lot of memories.

I will probably go the 6pm vigil on Christmas Eve, this means I don't have to stay up late for Midnight Mass, or get up early for Christmas Morning Mass, which is good news.

Managed to find a Blog of one of my College friends today (at least I think it is hers - could be embarrassing otherwise), this is a really good way to keep up with what people are doing, much better than just a Christmas card.

American Gangster

Well, this was a pretty good movie. The time seemed to fly by, it didn't seem to drag at all. It was a fascinating study of human nature. Denzel Washington's character is no two-dimensional villain, nor is he displayed as somehow heroic. The portrayal is deep and shows the dichotomy of humanity. One moment we can show great love and tenderness, as the character does towards his mother, and yet the next we can sink to the worst sort of depravity - dealing heroin, or committing cold-blooded murder.

It is simple to think of such people as evil, this sets them apart from us. I don't think people are evil, but they do evil things, and we are all capable of doing such things; and yet there is still that spark of love in all of us which can lead to redemption. In the film the villain finds a sort of redemption (though admittedly self-interested) through helping to catch the corrupt policemen.

It was also interesting to see the journey of Russell Crowe's character - clearly showing that in real life honesty isn't always appreciated and doing the right thing can some times get us into trouble; but the film also says clearly, that doesn't mean we shouldn't do the right thing.

One other thing the film was good at doing was showing the affects of drug-use, the images of people 'shooting up' were pretty horrible, and something which movies & TV often gloss over by glamorising drug culture.

To meet or not to meet

Went out last night for an SVP meeting, only to discover that Sr M had got the date wrong. I obviously looked frozen (I was!) and she was feeling bad about dragging me out for nothing so she offered me a cup of tea. This was fine by me as it gave me the chance to talk to her about my decision to switch to Penparcau. She was really supportive and understood my reasons. I still feel I ought to do more for the Society, especially if I'm not at St Winifride's to do the collection, but Sr M, told me not to worry about it, and that we would find someone else easily enough.

We had a really good chat and it was nearly ten when I finally left. These days, it is so rare to just sit and chat to someone for any length of time, it seems to be a dying art.

So the decision is made, I am Penparcau bound on Sunday, sadly this means getting up earlier, but I am looking forward to going to Mass for a change.

Tonight I'm off out to see American Gangster at the cinema, another Ridley Scott offering, but at least there is no history for him to get wrong this time. I will express an opinion in my next post.

Departmental Christmas Dinner

We had our departmental Christmas dinner last night, which I actually enjoyed more than I usually do. The food was pretty good, though the service was a bit ropey - especially when it came to providing cutlery; but never mind, a fun time was had by all.

I left work just after six, but the do was 7.00 for 7.30pm. I gave SJ a lift into town as her hubby was staying on with the car. As we were so early we wandered along the sea-front for half an hour. It was quite nice, there was hardly any wind and the temperature wasn't that bad, considering it was 6.30 on a December evening.

Earlier in the day I was having lunch with WT, the discussion inevitably turned to St Winifride's and he admitted that he often felt more depressed coming out than when he went in - just like me. Penparcau may be getting more refugees yet!

I was going to write something else, but inspiration got up and left the room. Maybe later.

Links

I've added some links to other blogs I've come across, I will add further links to this list when I find other interesting blogs.

Not alone

Had lunch with MW today, we discussed the situation at St Winifride's. It turns out that he, like me, is unhappy about things. Like me he doesn't feel that he gets much out of it and like me he gets pretty depressed about it. He says that he might follow me up to Penparcau.

We also reminisced about Fr. John, speaking of which, there are more tributes here (mostly in Welsh, but with some English at the end.

It was really nice to talk with someone who feels the same way I do, so often I feel that I am surrounded by people who violently disagree with everything I think. The thing which really angers me is the way in which these people think it is perfectly acceptable to make the most offensive remarks, not only about non-Catholics, but also about their fellow Catholics - it is possible to disagree with people without being offensive.

Of course, being human, such behaviour tends to make me angry back, which only makes me feel worse. As a student I used to have long arguments with my Protestant freinds, but there was never any personal animosity and at the end of the day we would agree to disagree.

The attitude seems to be 'I am right and if you disagree with me you are scum', it's not what I call Christianity.

I loathe bigotry in any form whenever I come across it. I can't claim that I have never had such feelings, but I have always done my best to push them back into the dark primitive recess where they belong - all human being should be able to rise above such things, those who profess to follow Christ even more so.

I wish these people could see what a poor example they provide, of the faith they profess to love. Even when you think someone is completely wrong - respond in love, if necessary correct in love - but don't treat others with contempt, you will only make them hate you.

Quo vadis?

Once again had to suffer the sung Latin Mass parts. As usual sung badly by the choir and a few others. I find I get less and less out of going to Mass at St Winifride's; I just don't find it a spiritually nourishing experience - quite the opposite. I think I'm going to start going to Penparcau full time.

More and more it is just a forum for a clique of older people to relive their childhood, and to hell with what anybody else wants. One fellow parishioner actually said "We don't want any of this bongo, bongo music!" i.e. any modern music or music played on anything other than an organ.
I feel that there is no Church just a group of people in a big building on Sunday mornings.
I felt so much more at home at Penparcau when I went a few weeks ago, despite the cold it was a much more prayerful atmosphere.

It's not just this parish though; I am becoming increasingly disturbed & depressed by the way that the Church as a whole is going. There is a refusal to move from entrenched positions on so many issues where movement is needed, and in areas where there had been positive movement after Vatican II, there seems to be increasingly retrograde movement.

There seems to be a move to turn the clock back to the 'good old days' of the 1950s or possibly even the 1550s. The pope seems to be hell bent on offending everyone else in the World, so far he's done Muslims, Jews & Protestants; I wonder who is next.

The problem is that the Catholic Church has got itself into the position of being politically unable ever to admit it has got it wrong in the past. After all, if your leader is infallible, then he can't possibly admit that previous leaders were not, because that means he can't be either.

There is such a strong element of authoritarianism running through the Church, the Church's leaders will brook no opposition and so many of the rules and regulations are designed to keep people in line. It is all about power and control. This might have worked in the past when you could back it up with civil power, but not anymore, and now people are voting with their feet.

It is clear in my own parish there is an entire generation that is practically non-existent in the Church. At any event I go to I am almost always the youngest there and I'm nearly 40.

The thing is Christianity was never meant to be about following a set of rules, it was meant to be about a living faith in Jesus Christ. The Bible is clear that following a set of rules, however, carefully isn't enough - you can't earn heaven.

This is what annoys me about the whole indulgences thing which is rearing its ugly head again. Taking a trip to Lourdes will not of itself make you more ready for the Kingdom. Purgatory isn't a place where you suffer physically for past sins, this is such a medieval idea. I thought we'd grown beyond that.

I have always seen purgatory as a process, the process by which we shed all the sin & corruption which have stained our souls throughout life. This is not an easy process and often involves suffering, and it is a process which also goes on during life not just after it. God is making us fit for His kingdom and the closer we are in this life to the imitation of Christ which is the meaning of the word Christian, the easier will be that process at the end of life.

You see, there is nothing stopping us from being perfect, except ourselves, we don't have to sin, we choose to, and the more we choose to sin, the further away from perfection we move, and the harder the journey back to God.

Of course a pilgrimage to Lourdes or another Holy place can be an important part of that process and can bring us closer to God, but it involves much more than travelling from A to B or reciting the rosary a set number of times. It is about recognising that we have 'fallen short of the Glory of God' and trying to do what we can to accept God's forgiveness, and to trust Him and follow Him more willingly in future.

I love the Catholic Church, but I find myself increasingly alienated, marginalised and unwelcome in it. It is changing from the Church in which I grew up and not in a good way. The truth is if things carry on like this I don't know if there will be any place for me in the Church much longer. About the only thing that keeps me in the Church is the Eucharist, this is the one constant for me. Because of this I don't think there is another denomination I would feel comfortable in.

It reminds me of John Chapter 6; after Jesus tells His followers that they must eat His flesh & drink His blood many leave Him. He turns to the twelve and asks then if they want to leave as well; Peter replies "To whom would we go? You have the message of eternal life."

That is the question, where would I go? Thus, the title of this piece, the old Roman sentry challenge, Peter's question to Jesus outside Rome - quo vadis? where are you going?

Where am I going?

Quote of the week

When I started this blog I thought it would be good to do a quote every week, I have now realised that after the first one, I haven't done it again, oh well, such is life.

So, onto this week's quote:

"No one is fit to be trusted with power... No One... Any man who has lived at all knows the follies and wickedness he's capable of... And if he does know it, he knows also that neither he nor any man ought to be allowed to decide a single human fate." - C.P. Snow

This is pretty self-explanatory. I know if I ruled the World, even though I'd want to do the right thing, in the end, it would all turn bad. So consider yourselves lucky!

Average saturday

Thought I'd give you a flavour of an average (boring) Saturday, with nothing much happening.

Got up around 9am, had a lazy long breakfast watching TV, actually I was watching a recent purchase "Our man in Havana", great movie, I do like Alec Guinness, he was such a great actor. Also a convert to Catholicism. I must get hold of his autobiography sometime, I've heard some of it read by him on the radio, and it sounded very funny.

Actually I used to know a girl who went to the same Church as him and she told me that all the kids used to annoy him intensely by going up to him at the sign of peace and saying "the force be with you".

Anyway, back to my boring Saturday. After the film finished I realised that I had forgotten to set the bread-machine working and that I had no bread for lunch - so a quick trip to the shops to get something. Then set the bread-machine to work, put the washing on and settle down to lunch & some more Blog-browsing, didn't find much of interest (though it is quite addictive), so did some more Christmas cards and bills (yuk). The end of the year is quite an expensive time as lots of memberships are up for renewal, add to that my second attempt at sending my passport for renewal (I forgot to put it in with the application form - senior moment!)

Then one of my neighbours turned up with a parcel which the postman had left with him yesterday while I was at work. Excellent this is my monthly Amazon order (my one major extravagance), which this month contains the Michael Wood collection.

If you don't know, Michael Wood is a historian who has done several shows for the BBC and he is one of the best documentary presenters around. He is a great storyteller, and his shows don't rely on lame re-enactments or fancy graphics, it is usually just Michael Wood talking or travelling around meeting people - this sort of thing is what makes TV worthwhile.

I am currently watching "In search of the Trojan war", which is still fascinating, even after 20+ years. Anyway, that's my boring saturday out of the way.

Boredom

I've just been browsing through some of the other Blogs on Blogger, I came across a few good ones, but also a lot of dross. More dead Blogs (depressing) and then the usual X-rated stuff and people trying to sell you things (also depressing). I also came across several Blogs discussing at length what was on telly the other night - I mean have you nothing better to say!

It's not that I object to the mention of TV or movies etc, now & again, but weeks worth of posts about what happened on a particular show. After all, if people watched the show they don't need a blow by blow account and if they weren't interested enough to watch the show in the first place, it is doubtful that they want to hear about it secondhand afterwards.

Oh dear, I'm ranting again. Probably equally as tedious as commenting on TV programmes!

Christmas is coming

For some reason, this year I can't wait for Christmas to arrive. Maybe I'm just looking forward to two weeks off. It's that time of year when things get busy. I'm doing something every night next week, except tuesday.

I'm halfway through my cards already and all the pressies are bought - thank you Amazon.

My thoughts are now beginning to turn to provisions, but that can wait.

I am appraoching the end of this year with a much brighter outlook than I have for many a Christmas. I think that starting this blog has helped in this respect.

That is not to say that everything in the garden is rosy, not at all, but maybe a few of the weeds are starting to be cleared away, which is a start

Website

I am currently trying to construct a website for myself, unfortunately Yahoo, are a bit useless when it comes to providing web editing tools. This means I am having to try to remember HTML, which is something I haven't had to do for a good ten years or more, and their HTML help is pretty basic. Fortunately, I am a hoarder which means that I still have all my old web pages to refer back to, so I can find bits of code I used in them.

The annoying thing is I used to have an HTML reference book which contained all the tags etc., but I decided I wouldn't need it anymore and got rid of it - that'll teach me!

On the subject of websites you may have noticed that I have not entered my birth-date or year in my profile. This is not through any desire to hide my age (I'm 38), rather it is because they insist on using it to put down your zodiacal sign, and I dislike this for two reasons:

1. It makes the profiles list look like a dating website.
2. Astrology is complete and utter bunk and I refuse to buy in to it in this way

I will refrain from discoursing on astrology, as it is one of my pet-hates, and if I got started I could here all night. Suffice to say, it is something which has been scientifically disproved time & again, the evidence is out there, and people just need to use that big grey lump between their ears.

Music

I've just been listening to my most recent iTunes purchase, "Ride on King Jesus", by Steve Bell. I remember this song from when I was in Ireland in the early 90s. I actually met Steve there and heard his music for the first time. It was really great music, very moving & reflective at times and at others very sing-alongable & foot-tapping. Steve was a really nice guy, very gentle and soft spoken and a great example of the Christian life.

I bought a tape of his album "Deep Calls to Deep" at the time, but this song wasn't on that album and, after returning to the UK, I despaired of ever getting hold of any more of his music, as he lives in Canada. However, thanks to the Internet, this is no longer a problem. It is really great that iTunes carries so much Christian music, I'm not in favour of the ghetto mentality sometimes shown by people, with regard to popular culture. Christians were always meant to be out there involved with the World, and having these songs there available to everyone is actually a powerful tool for evangelism.

Thinking of the Internet, I decided to see if I could find Steve's Website to find out what he's doing now. I've added a link to it in my list of Websites to visit. I notice that the person he most admires is Jean Vanier - good choice!

If you have never come across Jean Vanier then do find out about his work with L'Arche. I was very privileged to hear him speak, again when I was in Ireland. Now I think about it, I seem to recall that Steve Bell was there with him, but my memories are a bit hazy.

Anyway, that's all for now, as I need to get ready for tomorrow morning.

Why worry?

I am inveterate worrier, I worry about the minutest things, all the time. I can't seem to help it, I am for ever winding myself up expecting something bad, which invariably never happens.

I was doing it again at work today, working myself up about something and things didn't turn out that way at all. Why do I do this to myself?

The thing is even when you worry about the important things it doesn't change the outcome. I spent years worrying about my father, but it didn't stop him from dying. The thing is, when he did, the World didn't come to an end, it carried on going and so did I. Not that I'm saying it was easy - far from it; but when the worst happens you cope, somehow; worrying about it all beforehand just screws your insides into a ball and makes you ill.

God's response to me is always: put your trust in me and don't worry. If only I was more willing to take Him at His word.

The good news is that my blood pressure appears to have returned to normal after the stress of the last week.

The even better news is that I have had my first comment on this blog. Someone left a comment on my blog about Fr. John. This is so cool , somebody actually read what I wrote, not only that, but they felt moved to respond, that is so amazing! This blogging thing is pretty good.

Actually, I find it quite therapeutic to be able to put my thoughts down in this way. I suppose I could do so in the privacy of a journal, manuscript or electronic; but there is something... it is difficult to find the right word, the only word I can think of is 'special'...

What I'm trying to say is that knowing that other people can read this, helps me somehow, maybe it stops me from turning it into a moanathon; maybe I ponder what I'm going to say more carefully; maybe the sight of all those Aberystwyth student blogs which only lasted for a few weeks encourages me to keep it up.

I have to say looking at all those abandoned blogs, orphaned I might even say, was really sad, they looked so forlorn, almost a fossilised record of someone's thoughts, not a living breathing thing like those blogs which are still being written; growing, aging, maybe even maturing.

It is interesting to see the different types; there are the blogs which are set up, with maybe one or two short posts and are then never revisited. Those which start off all enthusiastic and carry on for a few months until workload, or partying, or both, get in the way and it becomes too much. Then there are the ones which last while the person is in Aberystwyth, but are abandoned when they leave. There is probably a spiritual metaphor in there somewhere, however, it is half past six already and I must get some dinner, so such musings (or is that ravings) will have to cease for now.

Advent is here

I know that society in general has been gearing up for Christmas since about September, but I make it a principle not to think about it until advent actually begins.

Despite this plans are already afoot (I seem to be starting earlier than usual), I have sorted out what to get my family (though I have yet to order it all), and started on the Christmas cards (The overseas ones have to go this week).

I have decided this year that I am going to make every effort to write a proper letter to everyone that I have not been keeping in touch with properly over the last year. This is part of my attempt to actually maintain some sort of connection with all my friends.

Of course all this physical preparation is one thing, so far I'm not doing so well at the spiritual side of things - so no change there.

This having been said I have been spurred into some sort of action and have just picked up a book of reflections on Advent (which I meant to do yesterday, but forgot). The book is called "A feast for Advent" and is by Delia Smith - yes that's right, she of TV cookery & Norwich City F. C. fame.

This and it's sister book "A feast for Lent" are books which I read some time ago and have decided to revisit. They are written very accessibly (no theological jargon here)and are really thought-provoking. For example, the reflection for yesterday (which I have just sat down and read) echoes the readings for the Mass. Reminding me that I am called upon to be ready for the coming of the Lord.

Thing is, I don't feel ready, in fact I'm not ready, I'm not sure I've ever been less ready. Trouble is, the more I get into life; gaining more possessions, car, house, gadgets etc. The more I seem to forget why I am here. It is so easy to fall into the trap of throwing some money at various charities, turning up to Church on Sundays and thinking I'm doing my bit.

It is a lot easier than trying to work on that, oh so difficult, relationship with God, or loving those, oh so unlovable, people out there, or even loving that, oh so unlovable, person that I am.

Hmm, I think I will make an effort to read Delia's reflections, they are making me think of where I ought to be heading and it might help to discipline myself to having a time set aside for prayer and reflection - something sadly lacking in my life at present.

It's sad that I didn't get any of this from Mass yesterday, I find I get so little out of it at the moment. So many things about the building, congregation and service distract me from what I should be focusing on.

I thank God for the Eucharist; that is the one constant, the one thing which makes up for the rest. I come back always to those words we say in the Mass "I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed". Wow, this always blows me away every time, God's love and mercy are so much greater than all my failings; no matter what I do, no matter how far I turn from His path, he is always willing and able to take me back, to draw me to Himself - Amazing Grace indeed.

Fr. John Fitzgerald, O. Carm.

I learned at Mass this morning that Fr. John Fitzgerald died last week. This was really sad news and quite unexpected, even if he was 80. Fr. John was a wonderful man and one of the finest priests I have met. He was very generous and always remembered people. His sermons were always thought-provoking and full of wit. He is also the only priest I know to have sworn during a sermon*. Which is another thing I liked about him.

I first met Fr. John when I came to Aberystwyth as a student, and as University Chaplain he was very kind and helpful. Interestingly (well to me it is), his brother Fr. Gregory Fitzgerald officiated at my parents' wedding in Lampeter in the 1950s.

It was very sad to see him go a few years ago when the Carmelites left Abersywtyth. I saw him a couple of times after this and he was always on form. He will be sadly missed by many people.

There is an obituary of him on the Carmelites Website: British Province of Carmelites - John FitzGerald, O.Carm. - R.I.P.


* It was the Sunday after 9/11 and in the context of forgiveness he remarked "It's bloody difficult, and I mean BLOODY DIFFICULT!"

Caesar IV

I have just been trying to play Caesar IV, and just gave up in the end. The user interface is so fiddly it is impossible to place buildings, roads etc. where you want, this completely ruins what might have been a good game otherwise. I don't think I will bother playing it again. Which is a shame because the previous two versions were very good.

It is really annoying that they have totally ruined this game by making the interface impossible to use - after all it is pretty basic. When it takes five minutes just to place one house, it is incredibly frustrating and I can do without such wind-ups.